What is gender?
As described by the World Health Organization, "gender refers to the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed. This includes norms, behaviours and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl or boy, as well as relationships with each other. As a social construct, gender varies from society to society and can change over time." In other words, gender is essentially something that we, as a society, have created as a means of grouping together different behaviors and norms that we associate with each other.
Aren't gender and sex the same?
Nope! Gender and sex are not the same thing. While gender is a societal concept referring to a group of associated behaviors and norms, sex is a biological concept referring to the specific chromosomes that a person has in their body - either XY chromosomes or XX chromosomes. These chromosomes result in specific reproductive organs, and specific biological traits, but are by no means an indicator of a person's gender.
Gender isn't set in stone
It's important to understand that, just like sexuality, gender is a spectrum. While there are people on either end of that spectrum, there are also people who lie in-between, and that's okay! Gender is also fluid, meaning that it can change over time - that's okay too! Recognizing changes in your gender identity as you learn more about yourself is totally valid.
Clarifying the terms...
Cisgender - describes someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth
Gender expression - describes how someone expresses their gender to others; can be expressed through behavior, clothing, haircut, voice, etc.; may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and traits typically associated with being masculine or feminine
Genderfluid - describes someone who does not identify with a single fixed gender
Gender identity - describes an individual's internal sense of whether they are male, female, a blend of both or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One's gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth
Gender non-conforming - an umbrella term to describe someone whose gender expression does not fit neatly into one category, or someone who identifies outside of the gender binary
Genderqueer - describes someone who does not identify within the static categories of gender, instead embracing the fluidity of gender identity
Nonbinary - describes someone who does not identify exclusively as a man or woman
Transgender - an umbrella term to describe someone who does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth
Two-spirit - an umbrella term, typically used in Native American communities, to describe someone who identifies as having a masculine and feminine spirit
Gender expression - describes how someone expresses their gender to others; can be expressed through behavior, clothing, haircut, voice, etc.; may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and traits typically associated with being masculine or feminine
Genderfluid - describes someone who does not identify with a single fixed gender
Gender identity - describes an individual's internal sense of whether they are male, female, a blend of both or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One's gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth
Gender non-conforming - an umbrella term to describe someone whose gender expression does not fit neatly into one category, or someone who identifies outside of the gender binary
Genderqueer - describes someone who does not identify within the static categories of gender, instead embracing the fluidity of gender identity
Nonbinary - describes someone who does not identify exclusively as a man or woman
Transgender - an umbrella term to describe someone who does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth
Two-spirit - an umbrella term, typically used in Native American communities, to describe someone who identifies as having a masculine and feminine spirit
Gender vs Sexual Orientation
People often confuse the concepts of gender and sexual orientation/sexuality, but they are not the same thing! Below is a description from Gender Spectrum explaining the differencesbetween these two concepts, and why understanding the difference between them is important:
One final distinction to make is the difference between gender and Sexual orientation, which are often incorrectly conflated. In actuality, gender and sexual orientation are two distinct, but related, aspects of self. Gender is personal (how we see ourselves), while sexual orientation is interpersonal (who we are physically, emotionally and/or romantically attracted to).
Why is it so critical to distinguish between these two concepts? When we confuse gender with sexual orientation, we are likely to make assumptions about a young person that have nothing to do with who they are. For example, when someone’s gender expression is inconsistent with others’ expectations, assumptions are frequently made about that person’s sexual orientation. The boy who loves to play princess is assumed to be gay, and the girl who buys clothes in the “boys’” section and favors a short haircut may be assumed to be a lesbian. These could be faulty conclusions. What someone wears and how they act is about gender expression. You cannot tell what a person’s sexual orientation is by what they wear (for that matter, you can’t know what their gender identity is either, unless they tell you).
Our society’s conflation of gender and sexual orientation can also interfere with a young person’s ability to understand and articulate aspects of their own gender. For example, it’s not uncommon for a transgender or non-binary youth to wonder if they are gay or lesbian (or any sexual orientation other than heterosexual) before coming to a fuller realization of their gender identity. How we come to understand our gender and our sexual orientation – and the choices we make to disclose and express these parts of ourselves – are distinct paths. Thinking of these two aspects of self as interchangeable may, instead of helping us know ourselves and one another better, actually get in the way of understanding and communication.
Common Myths about Gender
From Gender Spectrum
Children are too young to know their gender.
Nope!
Understanding of our gender comes to most of us fairly early in life. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “By age four, most children have a stable sense of their gender identity.” This core aspect of one’s identity comes from within each of us; it is an inherent aspect of a person’s make-up. We don’t question when cisgender children know their gender at a young age, so why do we question when transgender or nonbinary children know their gender at the same age?
We shouldn't talk to young children about gender diversity.
False!
We communicate with children about gender from the moment they are born. They are receiving messages and stereotypes about how boys and girls are supposed to look and behave, not only from adults, but also from peers, books, media, and through product marketing and advertising. Research indicates that these messages place children in strict boxes which can prevent them from reaching their full potential. Studies show how the messages kids receive about gender influence them at very early ages. For example, one study published in Science in 2017 showed that “At age 5, children seemed not to differentiate between boys and girls in expectations of 'really, really smart' — childhood’s version of adult brilliance. But by age 6, girls were prepared to lump more boys into the 'really, really smart' category and to steer themselves away from games intended for the 'really, really smart.' ” If we don’t proactively teach different messages to children about gender, they will simply absorb the messages out there – and we all lose out.
A person is only transgender if they declare it at a very young age.
Incorrect!
While many transgender people say that they knew they were transgender as soon as they knew what “boys” and “girls” were, for many others, the journey to living openly as their affirmed gender is longer. For some, understanding their gender identity is a complex process that lasts into their teens, adulthood, or even old age. Many people have a general feeling of being “different” but don’t connect that feeling to their gender until they are exposed to new language or find role models in whom they can see themselves reflected. While early childhood is one common time for kids to name their gender, people can come to understand their gender at any age. The onset of puberty is another very common time children come to better understand - and communicate - matters regarding their gender, as is during college. Sometimes a transgender or nonbinary person will come out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual before recognizing that it is their gender, not their sexuality, that they are struggling with. Stigma, lack of knowledge and fear of rejection by family and peers can keep transgender people from sharing their gender as children or teens. Research indicates that there is a significant gap between a child’s understanding that their gender doesn’t conform to expectations and when they communicate with others (namely parents) about it. In one study, the average age of self-realization for the child that they were transgender or non-binary was 7.9 years old, but the average age when they disclosed their understanding of their gender was 15.5 years old.
There are only two genders.
Wrong!
The two most common genders are boy and girl (or man and woman), and often people think that these are the only two genders. This idea that there are only two genders is called the “gender binary.” If a child has a binary gender, that means they identify as either a boy or a girl, regardless of the sex they were assigned at birth.
But gender is a spectrum, and not limited to just two possibilities. A person may have a nonbinary gender, meaning they do not identify strictly as a boy or a girl – they could identify as both, or neither, or as another gender entirely. Agender people do not identify with any gender.
Many transgender children “change their mind” about their gender.
Actually, no!
This is an important issue and one we can’t truly do justice to in this brief format, but here are a few things to consider: not all children and youth who express themselves in gender expansive ways are transgender. Gender identity and gender expression are different aspects of our gender. Often, both in research and media reports, this distinction isn’t properly made. Given the limited vocabulary we provide children and youth with for gender, it can take some time for them to find the language that fits for them when it comes to gender identity. What we know from medical and mental health experts as well as from research in the area is that transgender children are at least as certain in their gender identity as other children are in theirs. The longer an identity persists, especially one that is consciously considered and consistently asserted, the less likely it is to change.
While rare, there are instances where a person’s identity will change. That is true for all people- cisgender, transgender and nonbinary identified alike. It is part of being human. Where we seem to get stuck as a society is what to do with this rare but possible experience. If we take it out of the discussion regarding what “people” do generally, and focus on an individual child, it becomes a little easier to determine whether a specific child is likely to remain consistent in their identity. There are indicators that qualified, skilled professionals can help the parents and the child understand. But we need to underscore that the research on the importance of affirming people in their gender is unequivocal - it is essential for all, and life-saving for some.
We all want to experience gender congruence - the feeling of harmony in the three dimensions (body, identity and social aspects) of our gender. We want to be seen by others as we see ourselves. Finding congruence is an ongoing process that evolves as we continue to grow and gain insight into ourselves and is most often found through exploration. Any way we can help a child to find congruence is important and essential to their health and well-being.
Being transgender or nonbinary is a sign of mental illness.
Completely false!
Being transgender or nonbinary is not a mental illness.
Some gender-diverse people experience gender dysphoria which is a diagnosis in the DSM. However, this refers to the distress some people experience as a result of a disconnect between their gender and their sex. Minority stress factors often take a toll on transgender and nonbinary youth, who then experience levels of depression and anxiety as a result of the harassment, discrimination, bullying and stigmatization they experience. Outside of these minority stress factors, research indicates that gender-diverse youth who have parental support and are affirmed in their gender have similar mental health profiles as their cisgender peers.
Transgender and nonbinary people are doomed to live unhappy lives.
Honestly just incorrect!
While it is true that transgender and nonbinary youth are at significantly higher risk for suicide, non-suicidal self-injury, substance abuse, eating disorders, anxiety and depression compared to their cisgender counterparts, there are known factors that can improve their mental health and well-being. The most significant factor in a gender-expansive young person’s well-being is the support of family. Transgender and nonbinary people of all ages find love, create families, and live fulfilling lives.
What's the deal with pronouns?
Pronouns are how we refer to each other and talk about others - they are one of the main ways we identify each other without using names. Using the correct pronouns is a sign of respect. Pronouns are not assigned to gender and everyone deserves to be able to use the pronouns that they connect with. Below are three LGBTQ+ folks' perspectives on why pronouns are important from an interview from glaad.org.
Somaya Gupta, New York - all pronouns
Pronouns are important to me as a gender-fluid person because they make me feel seen. When I tell people I use any pronouns, they usually default to she/her because that’s what they feel most comfortable referring to me with since I come across as a cisgender woman. I’m okay with she/her pronouns, but whenever people refer to me with other pronouns it feels like they’re saying “I see and respect your identity.” Even though there is no one way to be genderqueer, I often feel like my gender isn’t queer enough. I feel a sense of validation from people using different pronouns with me. It also feels so welcoming whenever you enter a new space and people introduce themselves with both their names and pronouns. It’s especially important for cisgender people to take the initiative to set this standard in spaces because as people under the trans umbrella, we don’t always know if it’s safe for us to do.
Alex Nguyen, Colorado - they/them and he/him pronouns
For me, normalizing pronoun use is key to making everyday life for trans people safe. I hear pronouns regularly being shared in queer and trans spaces, but pronouns are important for everyone to use. They are especially important for cisgender allies when trans people aren’t around. As someone who’s nonbinary, I feel betrayed and isolated when people fail to use my pronouns, but there are many other trans people who feel dysphoric and singled out when cisgender allies only use pronouns because they know a trans person is present. Other trans people may not feel comfortable either misgendering themselves to stay safe, or outing themselves to others they don’t feel safe around. If everyone normalized pronouns, from using pronouns in their professional lives to deconstructing harmful narratives around what pronouns get to be used by people of certain genders, the world would be much safer for all of us.
Sarah Ondak, California - they/them pronouns
Pronouns to me are like a hug, or a squeeze on my shoulder, something that says, “I see you for who you are in your entirety, and I love you for it.” When I’m misgendered, it’s a stab at my heart. That sounds dramatic, but there’s no easy way to describe the whirlwind of disappointment, anger, and sadness that courses through me. But when people use my correct pronouns it means that on some level, they respect my experience and they recognize this essential aspect of who I am.