A couple members of GLSEN Phoenix's SHINE Team were sent some interview questions to answer about their experience as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Below are their anonymous responses.
1. How old are you?
- I'm 15.
- 17.
- I love monkeys, I’m learning Spanish, and I started my school’s GSA!
- My favorite show currently is Good Omens. I play Smash Bros Ultimate and Tetris competitively. One of my many favorite music artists is Hozier.
- Bisexual cisgender woman.
- Demi-pansexual, demi-panromantic, agender. (Demi-pan meaning both demisexual/romantic and pansexual/romantic respectively. I shorten it for convenience).
- I’ve known since I was 12. It was the summer after 8th grade, and I went to a performing arts camp. Almost everyone in my age group started questioning or coming out one after another, and so I started questioning, too. Seeing them all realize it kind of hit home for me. My mom and I have always been super vocal allies to the community, but for some reason, I never thought it could be me. Once they all started finding themselves, it inspired me to start thinking about it, too. I told my mom I was questioning and might like girls, too, and she simply said, “Ok.” As I got into 9th grade, my suspicions were definitely confirmed, and I had my first crush on a girl.
- I figured out I wasn’t straight in 6th-ish grade. I think that part was easy. People are… attractive. I came out as bisexual to an ex-friend on a bus evac. I learned about the term pansexual later and decided to go with that instead. Oh the whole demisexual/romantic thing was tacked on later pretty easily. The gender thing was a bit of a journey. I started thinking about it when my friend came out themselves as agender (which later changed throughout middle school and high school). I look, admittedly, feminine and yet my friend also did at the time and I have long hair (which I buzzed a side off in 2019 for my birthday). I had decided in around 7th-8th grade (timeline is kinda fuzzy) to use she/her and they/them pronouns and identified as a demi-girl for a while. Over the summer after 8th grade I decided to go the whole nine yards and just get rid of gender entirely despite my preconceived notion that I had to look androgynous. It was pretty freeing. Coming out to yourself is important.
Early August in 2018 I decided to change my name as well. Yeah the whole gender thing was pretty long.
- I haven’t really come into many problems, thank goodness. The people I’ve told have been really supportive, except my grandma. She still thinks “I’ll find a husband and not like girls anymore.” Eye roll. But luckily, that’s the worst I’ve experienced.
- I think my sexual/romantic orientation was easy but my gender was a whole different story. Society’s gender roles and stereotypes made me think I had to be androgynous to be agender. I’d still rather have people do a double take when they think they know my gender, but whatever, I like my long hair at the moment. I also had the issue with thinking I needed to figure it out and stick with it, which for both my sexual/romantic orientation and gender I did not do, haha.
- I’ve come out to all my friends and my close family. I knew my friends and close family would be really encouraging and not think twice about it, which they all were. I don’t really see myself coming out to the older people in my family or my dad’s side of the family for a while. They’re really conservative and probably wouldn’t understand or would look at me differently for it.
- All my friends know my identities and they were very accepting throughout my journey and I was with them. I came out as bi around 6th grade to them at lunch and those who were there proceeded to come out also. It was a really good moment for us. Unfortunately, my coming out story for my family is not as happy. My dad doesn’t live with me and he still doesn’t know- I have no idea if he’d be supportive but that’s a bridge I’ll burn if I ever come across it. These were the days of Skype and my mother invaded my privacy under the guise of “I was acting weird” and, well, in my defense, I was like 12 at the time, what do you expect? I was talking to a friend over Skype about our sexualities and stuff and my mom saw it and one day after school she asked me if I was bi. I couldn’t exactly deny it, and my mom says she’s accepting, but invading your kid’s privacy is kind of traumatizing and super detrimental to the parent-child relationship. A few years later when she got remarried to my step-dad, she had come out for me without my permission and I didn’t know until just this year. Without exaggeration, it was like pulling teeth to get any semblance of an apology for doing it, but I digress.
I’m definitely not coming out as agender any time soon if at all. My mother, though probably just ignorant, spews transphobic and cisnormative rhetoric and I don’t want to deal with the consequences of coming out again.
- My mom is really understanding, and I can’t really speak for what my dad would think because I haven’t told him. I wish cis-het people would understand that you can be an ally to the community without being a part of the community or being judged for it. That seems like a really common misconception at my school, especially.
- I don’t really know for the first question. Maybe just that they don’t have to be quiet about it. Because then I’ll feel weird bringing it up. Something I wish cishet people could understand is that times are changing and change can be difficult but all we’re looking for is some effort and not taking away our basic human rights.
- To younger members, I would say explore all you want. You are sooo valid. All the stuff you see on tv doesn’t have to be who you are. Your future is whatever you want it to be. To parents, just listen with an open mind. And more than that, actively try to understand. I know my mom has told me, understanding the different identities and pronouns and everything can be like a second language sometimes, but the only way to learn another language is to engage and practice. Personally, it makes my heart so happy when my mom sees someone on my zoom and makes a trivial comment, like “I like her earrings,” but then I remind her that that person’s pronouns are they/them, and she automatically corrects herself and remembers next time she likes their earrings. It’s little things like that that we pay so much attention to. To allies, it’s the same thing. Remember the little things, and especially if you’re an ally to a fellow student, please don’t treat us any differently when it comes to crushes or fashion or being affectionate towards each other. That makes us feel isolated and different. Definitely do acknowledge our differences, though, when it comes to bullying policies, bathroom situations, and whatever other issues might pertain to LGBTQ+ students but not necessarily other students.
- To young members of the LGBTQ+ community, go at your own pace. Are you changing labels every other week? Valid! Have you been slowly thinking about using another identity? Valid! Your identity is your decision. LGBTQ+ IDs are fluid and nuanced and complex and they are ours to use! Also remember that you don’t need to come out until you’re ready. For parents, I think you just have to listen. Something my parents didn’t do. Just listen and be accepting and do some research. For allies I’d say the same. Even if you don’t completely understand someone’s identity, you don’t really need to. If they’re happy, celebrate with them!
- It was definitely my mom. She supported me form the get-go, she always acknowledges who I am, goes out of her way to make sure I’m connected to my community, fights for me when she needs to, she watched gay movies with me, she’s just absolutely wonderful.
- Oh, my friends, definitely. They supported me every step of the way and I supported them. When I was first using my new pronouns and name, they remembered to correct themselves if they accidentally got it wrong. I think the fact that the majority of my friends are LGBTQ+ plays a huge role in that. I think the community tends to flock together, even if they don’t know they’re LGBTQ+ yet.
- It’s the amazing support, energy, and light we bring. There’s no community I’ve encountered that has taken so much bad and yet still shows up with a smile. Our sense of humor is amazing, our passion is unchecked in the absolute best way, and we, most of the time, especially this generation of LGBTQ+ folx, are wildly accepting of different identities and people. It’s just this beacon of light in an absolute shitstorm for me.
- It’s just a very safe place to be. I can’t think of a lot of other events that are as fun as going to a pride parade. (Well, maybe a concert.) Interacting with people in the community who already Get It™, you know? It’s just nice.